


this is me trying

by enbymickey



Series: season 11 one shots. [1]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: M/M, Season 11, also! husbands!, mickey is not ooc he's just in a new situation and trying to figure out life, stop putting him in a box, this could also be called, uncle mickey makes an appearance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:07:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27962759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enbymickey/pseuds/enbymickey
Summary: This is all new for him. This is all something he’s never planned for. He didn’t really think about what was going to happen after they got married because he’s never planned for anything to actually work out, never planned for anything to just go his way and now it has.He doesn’t know how the fuck to live like this but he so badly wants to.He doesn’t know how the fuck to save his money because he’s never had to before, always just figured it out as he went but he so badly wants to.No longer having to be in survival mode when his entire life has been just that? Can he do that? Is he capable of fucking doing that?He so badly wants to.
Relationships: Ian Gallagher/Mickey Milkovich
Series: season 11 one shots. [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2047916
Comments: 41
Kudos: 230





	this is me trying

**Author's Note:**

> hello folks, crazy that we're already on season 11. i honestly really enjoyed this episode but the fandom seems to be a lil bit upset so i hope this helps a lil bit. thank you to shelby for reading this over and thank you to my eight friends for being the best.

Mickey’s walked these streets so many times before. His blood, his tears, pieces of him seeped into the cracks of this town over the years. He’s been drunk and high out of his mind on these streets. Lost and searching for something. Getting away from something, someone, himself. These streets used to be terrified of him because he was terrified of himself, his father and this world. He used to be terrified of these streets and the monsters that lived in his home.

There are still times he’s terrified of the shadows, what could pop out and destroy everything just the way it’s been done so many times before. But he’s got his sleeping niece in his arms now as he walks home from his brother in law's place. Ian stayed back for a bit to help clean up, Debbie and Sandy walking ahead of him with Liam and Carl. Laughing so loud in the quiet of the night.

He’s been on these streets so many times before but never the way he is right now. Right now he’s trying to get closer to the laughter, trying to get closer to something instead of running from it because before he knew he could never have it. But he has it now. 

And that’s terrifying too. 

He has everything. He has it all. There’s something terrifying about that. There’s something pressing against his chest every single time he thinks about it. 

He’s happy. Of course he fucking is. He finally understands why those fuckers run across sports fields with their junk out. 

But now that he has everything that he never thought he was allowed to have, never allowed to dream of. What is he supposed to do now? How is he supposed to just live his life? 

He’s no longer fucked for life.

He doesn’t have to live every single day on edge, he doesn’t have to live day by day only worrying about surviving this one day. 

Ian wants to think about the future. Ian wants to plan ahead. He wants to save their money to get their own place and Mickey wants that more than anything too.

But planning, wishing and wanting has never worked out too well for Mickey in the past. He’s never gotten to just plan for the future and every time he’s tried it’s gotten taken from him, ripped away from finger tips or slipped through his fingers so quickly. 

Mickey knows it’s different now, he knows that Ian isn’t going anywhere. Ian has proved that to him. He married him, he’s saving his money and planning for the future. It’s clear everything Ian wants is with him.

He doesn’t know why he still gets defensive. Why on the porch earlier that night he acted so unsure of what he wanted because he wasn’t sure what Ian wanted. Not wanting to get hurt again, slipping right back into that mindset of can’t get hurt if you don’t care. 

That’s not him anymore. That was never him. He doesn’t want to live their lives like that. He doesn’t want their marriage to be that. 

This is all new for him. This is all something he’s never planned for. He didn’t really think about what was going to happen after they got married because he’s never planned for anything to actually work out, never planned for anything to just go his way and now it has. 

He doesn’t know how the fuck to live like this but he so badly wants to. 

He doesn’t know how the fuck to save his money because he’s never had to before, always just figured it out as he went but he so badly wants to.

No longer having to be in survival mode when his entire life has been just that? Can he do that? Is he capable of fucking doing that? 

He so badly wants to.

Reaching the house he walks in through the open door that Sandy left open, shutting it with his foot. Ignoring the look Sandy is giving him, like she’s worried about him and knows exactly what he’s thinking. She probably does. She’s probably the only one in this house that would get it.

She's a Milkovich in love with a Gallagher and learning all this new shit just like he is. 

Taking the stairs one at a time instead of his usual two at a time. Careful with the little girl in his arms, not wanting to hurt her or wake her up in any way. He puts her down in the bed for Debbie. 

“Night, kid.” Quiet in a way that he used to only be around Ian but has become more so around this family.

His family. 

He never thought he was a big kid person until this one. But she’s really cool, actually funny and not a brat like the rest of the kids around here.

“Thanks, Mick.” Debbie smiles at him then at Franny, getting out Franny’s favorite book to read to her even though she’s already asleep. 

Mickey blinks, surprised by that for a moment. This family really gives a shit about each other. This family wants better than what they’ve had before. Mickey is part of that now, part of the plans and the future and all that. 

It all comes back to that. 

Planning. The future. Living long enough to plan six months or a year in advance. Planning to save for big purchases and not just bills and food. 

He sighs, rubbing the back of his neck as he turns and walks downstairs. Sandy’s sitting at the table, drinking a beer. Mickey sits next to her and steals it from her, she leans over and punches him in the arm.

“Get your own.” Sandy says against the rim of the bottle but Mickey just grunts and closes his eyes. 

“You think it’s weird?” Mickey’s vague, he knows he is but he knows he doesn’t have to spell it out for Sandy.

“Plannin’ for shit? Being comfortable?” Sandy asks. 

And it clicks. Mickey’s comfortable. It’s something he’s never gotten to experience before. It’s a new feeling, a new experience and Mickey isn’t so great with those. 

“Mick. I’ve known you since you were flingin’ your shit at me for being a girl. You wouldn’t know comfortable if it slapped you in the face.” She takes a pause, another sip of the beer. “It’s new. You ain’t so great with that.”

“Tried to get a job today.” Looking down, fingers messin’ with his ring. 

He did. He tried. After all that shit in the bathroom, he wanted to make an effort for Ian. He wanted to show up. He wanted them to be on the same page for fuckin’ once. He wanted to get over his fears, his fears of this new life and what it meant. He wanted to try planning. He wanted to be comfortable. He wanted to feel comfortable being comfortable. 

“Said no. Said he couldn’t hire Milkoviches. Too much of a fuckin’ liability. Whatever the fuck that means.” 

Ian said no more secrets but how the fuck was he supposed to tell him this? 

Sandy rolls her eyes at that. Handing her beer to him.

“So you’ll figure it out. You’re Mickey. You always do.” 

But can he figure this one out? It’s all just been bullshit up until now. Doing what he had to do, not giving a fuck about the consequences but now they matter. 

It’s all so new and different. He feels like his skin is on fire.

He hears the front door open then. He doesn’t have to turn his head to know that it’s his husband but he does anyway, smiling at him before he watches him go up the front steps. 

“Thanks.” He mutters, standing up from the chair and listening to it scratch across the kitchen floor like he has so many times these past few six months. 

“Yeah, whatever. Just don’t be so fuckin’ loud tonight.”

The only response Mickey has for her his middle finger as he walks up the stairs in the kitchen. 

When he makes it to the bedroom Ian is laying in bed already. He’s got just boxers on and he looks good. 

His husband always looks fuckin’ good.

“Hey, Mick.” His ring shining in the moonlight coming in through the window. 

He’s terrified of the new, the planning and the future he never thought he was gonna have. But he sees that ring and what it means. How hard they fought for that and how hard they worked for that. 

He’s terrified but just one look at that ring on Ian’s finger and he knows he can do it. He knows he just needs to keep pushing forward. He knows that Ian will be there while he figures out how to live instead of just survive. 

“Hey.” Mickey sliding the door closed, if you can even fuckin’ call it that and grabbing the push pin from the dresser, standing on his tip toes to pin the blanket to the wall to cover it up. 

Ian chuckles at him and Mickey shoots him a look as he undresses, climbing into bed with his husband. 

Ian’s sitting up a bit and Mickey moves a pillow to rest on Ian’s knee because those are some boney fuckers. 

Ian’s fingers are instantly in his hair, leaning down a bit to kiss Mickey and Mickey smiles into it. 

He relaxes. 

This is his husband. He only wants him. He only wants Ian to want him. 

“Don’t want you to fuck anybody else.” He pauses. “Don’t wanna fuck anyone else either.” 

Ian looks confused for a minute before his eyes soften, giving him the most gentle nod. 

“Me too, Mick.” Like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Like it was the easiest, simplest thing to say now when earlier they danced around each other. 

“Thought that’s what you wanted.” He sits up and reaches down, pulling out the paper from his jeans on the floor and handing it to him before laying back down.

Ian takes a minute, squinting at the paper then looking at him. “You didn’t write anything, dumbass.” 

“Yeah, ‘cause I wasn’t sure what your ginger ass wanted. Just -” He pauses, closing his eyes. Being vulnerable, being open is hard. 

But they’re in their bed, they’re married.

Mickey is safe from everything he’s ever been afraid of. 

He’s afraid of new things though, afraid of the unknown and things he never thought he’d get to have but that’s okay. It’s okay because his husband's arms around him, he’s looking at him with the most fond eyes even though he can’t see it. 

He’s afraid but he doesn’t have to be afraid alone, he doesn’t have to hide in it like he always did before. It doesn’t have to consume him in the ways it has before. He can share it because Ian wants that. He wants that. 

“Just didn’t wanna get hurt again.” Ian goes to speak again but Mickey stops him, looking up at him this time. “I know you ain’t going to. Just - tryin’ to unlearn all this shit, man. It’s fuckin’ hard.”

Ian nods, reaching for the hand Mickey is resting on his stomach and intertwining their fingers. Bringing the hand up to his lips, kissing the back of his hand then the ring that lives on his ring finger now. 

“I know. What you said about fun earlier, in the bathtub. I want that too. I wanna have fun with you, Mick. ‘Course I do. I just don’t know how to save for all the things we’re supposed to save for and have fun. Just want us to be taken care of. Want you to be taken care of.”

Mickey feels his face get hot at that. Ian wants to take care of him and Mickey has never been taken care of before. Yeah, this life and growing up it’s terrifying but he has his husband by his side through it all. There to take care of him and guide him through it when it just gets so overwhelming. 

“I’m proud of you, Mick. Proud of us. I just want us to not be stuck here forever.” He whispers into the quiet room. 

“Tried to get a job today. Didn’t fuckin’ work out ‘cause apparently hirin’ a Milkovich is a liability.” 

Ian sighs, he’s got that look. That angry as fuck look. It’s nice. Not that Ian’s getting angry but for once in Mickey’s life someone is getting angry on his behalf and not at him. 

Mickey reaches for his hand this time, pressing a kiss there to calm him down and shakes his head. 

“Yeah, I know. Fuckin’ bullshit. But we’ll figure it out.” 

Ian waits for a moment, trying to decide if he wants to get more angry and go beat the fuck out of some poor laundry store owner or calm down.

“I know.” Of course Ian knows, of course he does because he’s always seemed to know everything about Mickey before Mickey could know, before Mickey let himself know or let himself believe. 

And with that Mickey guesses Ian decides to calm down because Ian’s grabbing his face gently between his large hands and he’s kissing him. 

Mickey sits up so he can climb into Ian’s lap and keeps kissing him. 

“How many rounds you got in you?” Mickey asks against his lips, not wanting to pull away. 

“I got all night.”

**Author's Note:**

> i'm gonna try to do a one shot for every episode because i'm sure they'll be needed if not for the fandom then for whatever shameless decided to do! but i am really looking forward to this season! hope you enjoyed this, leave a comment and a kudos or whatever! hope everyone is doing well! 
> 
> twitter: ianlovebot  
> tumblr: sandymilkovich


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